It’s been a week of getting my hubris checked. About time. Hours after I posted my last blog, I went climbing, took a weird fall, and hurt one of the tendons in my thumb in the process. Maybe snapped it – I’m not sure, all I know is it hurts and I have tape on it. Such is life, just adding some patina to my body I suppose.
It was stupid – I’d been getting more cavalier with my falls bouldering. While it’s good to be comfortable falling, it’s another thing to get complacent. You’d think fucking up my left hand for the foreseeable future would be enough to remind my inner Icarus not to fly too close to the sun, but no, it was merely a challenge.
A few days later I embarked on a paddle camping trip with some work colleagues down the Greenbrier River. The simple act of going paddle camping was… questionable given my hand, but I figured I felt fine enough and it wasn’t anything Vitamin I and some vigor couldn’t fix. The stretch we had was mostly Class II and III, made a bit harder by higher, faster water levels than usual. Nothing I couldn’t handle, though. I’d taken my packraft opposed to my dedicated whitewater kayak, figuring the lightness and ease of transport would make up for its limited whitewater capacity.
The first day went smoothly, there was one hairy Class III that tested the upper limits of what my Rogue-Lite could take. I stayed a good pace ahead of the pack, enjoying the solitude it brought. It was fun, just floating along, running some fun bits of water, and scouting out for camp spots. We made more progress than anticipated given the higher water levels, meaning our planned three day paddle might end up being two. A worry for day two.
Day two came late. I felt like a pent up race horse, waiting for the shot to go off so I could barrel down the track. I’m not great at relaxing – I admit that. I can’t just sit there, not when there’s water to be paddled, things to do, sights in need of gazing upon. I think I just stood by my packraft for a good hour, gazing off in the distance, waiting for everyone else to pack up. Finally, we were on our way downriver. Run that body down.
The water was somehow faster and more tumultuous on day two. Egged on by my success on day one pushing my packraft past its limits, I continued to blaze on ahead. At one point, I got well enough ahead and out of sight after a few bends in the river I spent a good half hour on a little rocky outcrop waiting for the others to catch up to me, who it turned out had decided to stop for snacks anyways. There was a meditative element to it, getting in rhythm for the river. I think that’s part of why I stayed ahead – the folks were good company, but I’d rather be speaking with the river.
As we got closer to the put-out, I was faced with a choice I’d made plenty of times before on the trip – river right or river left around an island. River right, initially at least, looked more forgiving. That was until I dedicated going river right as I found myself beat over by waves. At the point of confluence at the end of the island, I was faced with a stretch of Class III and I tried to catch an eddy around a protruding rock, figuring I could wait there for the others. Having got a bit too comfortable pressing the limits, I sliced in at an awkward angle and before I could process anything, I was in the soup, desperately trying to swim me and my stuff into the eddy and onto the rock. I had my PFD on, but the water forced me under for a hot second. I don’t know how long, to be honest, it could’ve been five seconds and could’ve been thirty.
All I know is I somehow managed to force myself into the eddy and was now trying to get my pack back in the raft. It was attached, which honestly made self-rescue back into the packraft harder. I’d practiced self rescue, but in calmer water, with less crap to deal with, this was my first time really getting thrown in and under. I forced my pack back in the raft, and tried to then force my stuff onto the protruding rock. It was then that others caught up and were able to help push my raft up further so I could then haul myself up on the rock. I eventually found a tiny pocket I jammed my pointer and middle finger into to pull my body up against the current. As I got my bearings and stood on the rock, all I could do was laugh. My camera was totaled, my body was shivering, my phone seemed ok at least, and I didn’t even dare check the contents of my bag at that moment. All I wanted was to do it again. Prove that was a fluke run, you put me in 100 times that’s the one time I’d fall in. If I hadn’t worried about hitting that eddy I would’ve been fine. If I had moved my weight more left I would’ve been fine. If I’d done this. If I’d done that. But I didn’t. I did what I did and now I was trying to put on a brave face and all I could do was laugh, wonder how my hat was still on, and get back in.
Further downstream I’d change my clothes after the shivering wouldn’t stop. Within the hour we’d be at the put-out, and from there we were faced with the decision to either find a campsite for the night, given we had allotted three days, or to just go home. I went home. I could’ve camped if I needed to, my kit was dry enough and I was in dry enough clothes, but the message I’d received was loud and clear; careful, Icarus.
Realistically, I pretty much did everything after getting thrown out right. I recovered everything except a single water bottle, but was willing to sacrifice everything to save my own skin if needed. I had my PFD on, I changed into dry clothes, my swimming form was great, I’d just made a stupid miscalculation and got thrown under for a bit longer than I’d like. Still, it hit me driving back how close the line was. On the water I was fine after it happened – I had to be fine. No room for anxiety. In the car, though, I found the space to decompress. What the hell. What the hell. Respect the river, idiot.
I don’t feel discouraged, just annoyed I didn’t do the things it was readily apparent I should’ve done after the fact. Hindsight’s 20/20. Back on the horse soon enough, just a bit smarter, a bit more respectful.
I leave for Washington next Tuesday and I think this served as a good reminder not to let my hubris, ego, inner self-competitive demons take the reins too hard, especially when I’ll be a continent away from friends and family. Life’s too short to always play it safe but there’s no reason to shorten it needlessly either. Till next post.
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